Self-help

Why It’s Hard To Make Critical (Or Any) Decisions Right Now

Posted on by in Changing life experience, Coaching, Mindfulness, Self-help, Suffering | Leave a comment

​​I have a few friends who work in grocery stores. They are commenting now about the people putting them in undue risk by coming to the grocery store several times a week, loitering in the isles, and socializing during stay-at-home orders.

My dad is one of those people who goes out more than they should. I’m feeling powerless to stop him. I’ve told him to let me know what he needs and that I’d find a way to get it to him. I had toilet paper delivered to him while I was away.  Technology, him, and I have never gotten along. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve shown him how to open an e-mail, send a picture, log into accounts online, download apps, etc. He doesn’t retain any of this information and requires me to show him over and over again. It’s been a struggle for a while now. I had given up on him learning new tricks. He really can’t stick with his old tricks, though.

He told me he needs to see the aisles to jog his brain about what he needs. I said, “That’s how you’ve always done it. I get that, but that’s not safe in the reality we live in.” I don’t have much influence on him. He tends to discredit and ignore me, but if he were to listen, I’d guide him in achieving a calm state of mind so that he can activate the salience network (thought to switch between activating and deactivating the default mode and central executive networks) and make more mindful decisions about what he needs beforehand. Then he could pass those needs along to me so that I could find a way to get them to him without him putting his and other lives at risk.

We are all experiencing grief and shock in the midst of changes to our daily lives. We are all worried about our current or future health and wealth. And we all revolt at how some, especially loved ones, are taking risks that put them and other loved ones at risk.

The number of people who are grieving actual loss of life will grow. I’ve experienced with my clients the grief that a job loss can bring. It’s the same cycle, and, like losing someone beloved, it needs to be acknowledged and processed. Everyone will do this at different paces and at different times. Everyone has varying levels of resilience. Surely, many of us will come out of this with greater resilience if we don’t succumb to our feelings of grief and worry.

In the meantime, my hope is that the more you know and understand grief, the more compassion and grace you can extend. It’s unlikely that you will be successfully influential to stop someone from taking risks by shaming them or instigating a conflict.

These stages are not clean. People will weave in and out of these stages, jump around, and be in a couple at the same time. Some may also have lucid moments where the emotions have calmed, and the mind is thinking clearly and making conscious decisions.

These days, I advise you to assume that everyone you see is experiencing grief, even if they haven’t lost anything yet. That’s because we actually have all lost something – plans, the ability to hug loved ones who don’t live with us, freedom to come and go as we please without worry, etc.

Here’s how you can recognize when someone is grieving. You can assume they are grieving and treat them with the utmost care, from a safe distance, of course.

SHOCK

People in shock will be the ones standing in the aisle without a list or a clue. (Those folks and the ones who have to read labels, which is a problem for us. We don’t want to touch things we won’t buy, but we have to check new items for a variety of ingredients our daughter can’t have.) Shock isn’t fight or flight; it’s more like being frozen.

DENIAL

You may be surprised to find that people you thought were level-headed and logical are believing conspiracy theories instead of accepting the truth. The truth, at this moment, may just be too hard to face. In this stage, people may take some risks that put not only them but others in danger, too.

ANGER

It’s ironic because the workers lashing out at the people in grocery stores and other public places who are being careless are completely justified AND they are in their own process of grief. With this understanding, I let them vent for the most part. I’ve commented here and there asking people to extend grace, especially knowing that my father is most definitely on the list of people who should not be going grocery shopping, especially during busy times without gloves or a mask or sanitizer. He should be pre-planning his shopping needs, scheduling deliveries and staying put.

BARGAINING

The government can’t take away the freedoms of all those spring breakers, the coronavirus challenge participants, or anyone who still believes that COVID-19 is just the flu. Some people insist on maintaining their freedom as an American to assembly, etc., and these folks may be in the bargaining stage. They’ll face their reality, only if they don’t have to lose X. They’ll stop visiting their vulnerable relatives and friends, but they won’t stop playing basketball. They’ll start getting their groceries by delivery, but they’ll keep gathering with their neighbors, who are all in the same boat as long as everyone washes their hands frequently and don’t touch. While these concessions may drive you back into anger, they are actually progressing.

You can help someone move more fully into compliance by making compliance feel better and offering alternatives. Instead of golfing, offer to order an at-home golf simulator game that can be played with friends. Instead of heading to your neighbor’s house for your usual happy hour, have a virtual happy hour in PJs.

DEPRESSION

It doesn’t always look like what you expect, especially when people are highly functional. It can look like getting easily agitated, lacking patience, avoiding communication or decision-making, sleeping more often, putting off exercise and chores, etc. Just because people have more time doesn’t mean they are accomplishing more. If you are here, try not to compare yourself to others and what they are accomplishing. Do what you can as you can and spend time meditating.

TESTING

This is tricky, because, really, any degree of failure to fully comply risks exposure, illness, and death. All of the new protocols will feel wrong at first. Frame all of the compliance efforts as experiments. “See how this feels”… See how it feels to wear a mask. See how it feels to wave to a neighbor you’d normally hug or high five. See how it feels to not pet the dog. See how it feels to plan out your grocery list. See how it feels to have the groceries come to you.

ACCEPTANCE

The more resilient among us may be here already and are not understanding very well what’s taking others so long to come around.

We normally comfort those grieving with touch, which would induce the release of the feel-good hormone, oxytocin. Now we have to find ways to use our imagination to do that if we don’t have people in our homes to hug. Remember Wilson from the movie Castaway? It may have seemed crazy, but it was a strong survival instinct that led Tom Hanks’ character to produce a friend. Grab a plant, a stuffed animal, a cardboard version of your father, etc. Luckily, we are still connected via the internet and cell phones, but we need to replicate the face-to-face interactions.

What you can do, since we’re all in this together:

Treat everyone as fragile.

Give each other grace. Assume we are all fragile, and that the more you induce a state of upset, the more likely you are actually inhibiting their ability to make wise decisions.

Well past this event I’m certain there will be a surge of PTSD cases and this won’t be just the people who have seen the worst of it on the front lines. Even people with comparatively lower levels of loss will struggle. Dismissing anyone’s loss by comparing it to the loss of others will only invalidate it; it won’t mitigate it.

If you see someone bucking the social distancing recommendations and stay-at-home mandates, you have a few options:

  • Allow the anger and accept it as your own grief stage
  • Assume there’s something you don’t know about their situation, or ask them non-confrontationally
  • Report them and let someone else deliver justice
  • Be part of the solution – Stores have designed aisles to be one-way, have added trashcans where shoppers kept putting used gloves, and have limited the number of shoppers in the store. So many are stepping up to make masks for people, deliver items to elderly neighbors, donate to charities, etc. What is within your power to do to help?
Achieve stillness

Like a pond being blown by the wind, the reflection will be distorted and blurry. When you allow your emotions to settle, you are better able to see problems and solutions more clearly. That doesn’t mean your emotions are wrong. What you resist persists. Spend 90 seconds really feeling those emotions, and even feeling gratitude for those emotions. Journal the thoughts that arise that keep you from achieving a peaceful mind. Then, try meditating.

There are many group meditations and prayer groups on Facebook. There are also a lot of great apps for guided meditation. I recommend Insight Timer.

Surrender

There are things you can control and there are things you can’t. The more you try to exert control over that which you have no control, the more stress you create in your life. The wisdom to know the difference can come from stillness, even though action feels better. Sometimes action is just artificial control. Shift your focus to the present moment and that which you have influence over.

Having a hard time deciding your next career step? Work with someone who understands and appreciates the emotional journey you are on. Schedule a consultation now.

The White Stripes I just don’t know what to do with myself

The Whie Stripes i just don’t know what to do with myself from the album elephant

Karen Huller, author of Laser-sharp Career Focus: Pinpoint your Purpose and Passion in 30 Days (bit.ly/GetFocusIn30), is founder of Epic Careering, a 13-year-old leadership and career development firm specializing in executive branding and conscious culture, as well as JoMo Rising, LLC, a workflow gamification company that turns work into productive play. 

While the bulk of her 20 years of professional experience has been within the recruiting and employment industry, her publications, presentations, and coaching also draw from experience in personal development, performance, broadcasting, marketing, and sales. 

Karen was one of the first LinkedIn trainers and is known widely for her ability to identify and develop new trends in hiring and careering. She is a Certified Professional Résumé Writer, Certified Career Transition Consultant, and Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist with a Bachelor of Art in Communication Studies and Theater from Ursinus College and a minor in Creative Writing. Her blog was recognized as a top 100 career blog worldwide by Feedspot. 

She is an Adjunct Professor in Cabrini University’s Communications Department and previously was an Adjunct Professor of Career Management and Professional Development at Drexel University’s LeBow College of Business  She is also an Instructor for the Young Entrepreneurs Academy where some of her students won the 2018 national competition, were named America’s Next Top Young Entrepreneurs, and won the 2019 People’s Choice Award. 

Networking 301 for the Network-Disabled: Creating Magic in the Moment

Posted on by in Careers, Employment Situation, Event, Job Search, Networking, Professional Development, Self-help | Leave a comment

Allow me to recap some important lessons from Networking 101 and Networking 201 on networking for the network-disabled:

#1. Networking, at its best, is not a means to an end; it’s a life-enriching exercise that allows you to find and build relationships with people you like, care to know better, want to see more often, want to support, and who want to support you too. It’s about quality, not quantity.

#2. Networking beginners can ease their way into networking and get great results by finding groups whose purpose is in creating connections, or social or special-interest related groups where there is a shared vision, mission, or hobby. 

#3. In order to optimally leverage your network to create opportunity, inform them on how your uniqueness creates hard business value and emotional benefits, AND demonstrate your value by creating an opportunity for them. [A formula and question script was provided last week.]

#4. Making new connections does not mean you have to ditch your old ones.

#5. Go to events with an idea of who you want to talk to, what you might ask/say, and what outcome you want most, but stay open to unexpected experiences and people, too.

Now let’s start with a new lesson:

Being magnetic in a moment is a reflection of how well you have cared for and valued yourself. 

No matter how comfortable you try to make networking as a beginner, it still requires you to be vulnerable, open, and brave.  With practice and reinforcement of positive results, you will build confidence, naturally be open to trying more new things, and become more immune to people who are not receptive. Until then, self-doubts you have are most likely going to emerge, and you will have to consciously overcome them. 

They show up in the following ways:

  • Beforehand when you look through who are attending, speaking, and sponsoring, and you question if/why any of these people would really want to speak with you. 
  • As you are mentally rehearsing it going exactly as you want it to, but remember previous awkward moments and wonder if you’ll be able to pull off being cool or if they’ll see right through you.
  • When logistics of going or arriving on time get complicated or screwed up and you wonder if the universe is trying to tell you to stay home so you can save yourself from some disastrous experience.
  • As you arrive and realize you forgot the names of the people you want to meet and what you prepared to say. 
  • When you spot the person you want to meet, but they are surrounded by other people vying for his or her attention and you wonder, again, why you would be of any interest among all those other people and what you could possibly say to make yourself memorable among them.
  • As you leave, even though you might feel proud and happy with new connections you made, you start to review your conversations over again in your head, wondering if you said something offensive, if you used the wrong word, said the wrong name, or if they’ll find out you really don’t know as much about something as you tried to make it seem. 
  • When a conversation leans toward opinions on potentially divisive or controversial topics or other people, and you wonder if you’ll put your foot in your mouth.
  • When you go to follow up and you realize that, if this person doesn’t respond, you’ll be wondering what you might have done to turn them off, if you’re likable, or if you came off as negative, uninteresting, needy, nerdy, etc. 

If it sounds like I’ve been there from the level of detail I gave, the answer is, “Oh yes”. And, even though I have a thriving network and have been teaching others how to network now for 13 years, these thoughts still pop up. I have just become better at recognizing them and shutting them down. I also realized that I don’t want to shut them down all the way since I could do quite a bit with self-hypnosis to replace these thoughts with more self-affirming thoughts. Self-affirming thoughts are good, and I believe we could all use more of them. However, my personal growth goal is to become even more emotionally intelligent and self-aware. So, I’d rather be better at distinguishing what I say and do from who I am, and be more conscious of having conversations that enhance rapport and add value.  I also have to know when to leave the past in the past and move on, or I could analyze myself into anxiety. 

I certainly don’t mean to scare you. Knowing ahead of time when lapses in self-confidence can occur enables you to apply some of the following tools to quickly recover and put yourself back in action to make good things happen. 

Tool #1: Breathing

You’ve probably heard this one before, but you could probably benefit from being reminded. It’s simple, but not always easy to remember in the moment. Stress and anxiety are contagious. Taking in deep, slow breaths is the fastest way to calm your thoughts and your nervous system, and to lower your blood pressure. The increase in oxygen to your brain will also enable you to exercise better judgment, minimizing those cringe-worthy moments. Take a little trip to the bathroom or a mini-walk outside, if possible, and notice how much better you feel, which will make people feel better around you.

Tool #2: Affirmations/Mantras

If talking to yourself sounds stupid, remember that you do it anyway. Sometimes what you say to yourself is worse than what you would ever say out loud to anyone else. When you notice those thoughts of self-doubt, replace them with affirmation. For example, if you start to wonder why anyone would want to take time out to return your phone call, literally ask yourself this question, then answer as though you were your biggest fan. “I have great ideas and genuinely care about helping others achieve their goals.” Over time you may notice some thoughts of self-doubt are more frequent than others. Journaling really helps increase your self-awareness of this. Adopt an empowering mantra that you can repeat several times a day every day. 

Tool #3: Your Biofield

There is still so much to learn about the biofield, which is an energetic emittance around our physical body. It has been proven to exist and can be detected and measured by machines, but can’t be seen with the human eye, much like the earth’s atmosphere. Our biofield reacts and responds to other people’s biofields, as observed at a cellular level. Much in the same way anxiety and stress are contagious, so are other emotions. If we want to inspire affection of others, we can heighten our own affection for and connection with others by tuning into those emotions. Take a moment to imagine that pure love is emanating from your heart and reaching out to each and every person in the room. Imagine yourself accepting them with all of their imperfections and qualities, and that they have the capacity to accept you, too. It doesn’t hurt to send out a mental wish as you do this, that the people who want and need you will reveal themselves and make a connection with you.

Tool #4: Humility

Competitive people may find that they get more immediate results by putting themselves in a competitive mindset, but aggressive tactics can backfire in the long run.  I had advised you to create a goal and turn it into a game, but that’s only to infuse fun into the activity. If you put too serious of a game face on, you may muscle some people into taking the next step, but find a lag in follow-through. 

Too much confidence is a known rapport blocker.  Overcompensating for a lack of confidence can be perceived as overconfidence. People will genuinely relate to you more if you don’t pretend to be anything you’re not.  You’re likely to elicit more support and help by admitting that you’re nervous, not sure what to say, or that you’re new to networking.  

If something comes out of your mouth that you wish you hadn’t said, call yourself out on it.  Get yourself back into a high intention. Ask for a re-do. Most people find that people who take accountability for their mistakes are more trustworthy than those who defend themselves.

If it’s too late, learn from it, and leave it in the past. The Hawaiian practice of ho’oponopono has really helped me to stop driving myself crazy with regret and remorse, especially when there’s no opportunity to apologize and make things right. It’s also very simple. Repeat:

I love you 

I’m sorry

I forgive you

Thank you 

Tool #5: Trust 

Trust that the perfect moment will present itself, but in the case it doesn’t, decide on a make or break play. I can hear other coaches now, “No, no, no. They have to make it happen.” Well, let’s call this an experiment. I have found that when I intend to go to something to meet someone and find that many others are vying for their attention, if I force something to happen it feels forced – not genuine or memorable in a good way, and not a great start to deepening a connection. However, if I instead reassure myself that the perfect moment will unfold and decide to enjoy conversations with other people in the meantime, synchronicity is in my favor and, not only do I get to have an interaction with the person, but there is a more welcoming space and context, a more natural flow of conversation, and more enthusiastic and specific follow up that leads to mutual synergy. I’m also calmer and tend to attract better-unexpected connections. 

I tested this at the MindValley Reunion in 2017.  Instead of pushing my way to the front so that I could find a good seat first when they opened the doors to let us in for speakers, I trusted that wherever I was in line, I would find a good seat. I got a front-row seat twice and within the first five rows all except for one time out of six. I also got to meet five of the speakers in serendipitous encounters where no one else was competing for their attention. Vishen even stopped to ask me a question (after he whiffed on my high five – yes – I tried to high five Vishen, and I forgave myself.)

You don’t have to be suave, a world-class conversationalist, or the most interesting person in the world to expand your network. You don’t have to have the noblest of goals to inspire people’s help. You don’t have to be any particular way, any status, or be at any particular stage in your career. You can just be you. Of course, take the steps to be your best you, but everyone has off moments, and they don’t define you. However, the people that you meet have the potential to help you create a life that you do define. If you never take the chance of meeting them, you automatically eliminate that potential. 

Next week, we’ll cover how following up best practices convert momentary magic into long-lasting opportunity. 

Pete Townshend – Let My Love Open The Door (Original)

Pete Townshend – Let My Love Open The Door (Original Video 1980)

Karen Huller, author of Laser-sharp Career Focus: Pinpoint your Purpose and Passion in 30 Days (bit.ly/GetFocusIn30), is founder of Epic Careering, a corporate consulting and career management firm specializing in executive branding and conscious culture, as well as JoMo Rising, LLC, a workflow gamification company that turns work into productive play. 

While the bulk of her 20 years of professional experience has been within the recruiting and employment industry, her publications, presentations, and coaching also draw from experience in personal development, performance, broadcasting, marketing, and sales. 

Karen was one of the first LinkedIn trainers and is known widely for her ability to identify and develop new trends in hiring and careering. She is a Certified Professional Résumé Writer, Certified Career Transition Consultant, and Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist with a Bachelor of Art in Communication Studies and Theater from Ursinus College and a minor in Creative Writing. Her blog was recognized as a top 100 career blog worldwide by Feedspot. 

She is an Adjunct Professor in Cabrini University’s Communications Department and previously was an Adjunct Professor of Career Management and Professional Development at Drexel University’s LeBow College of Business  She is also an Instructor for the Young Entrepreneurs Academy where her students won the 2018 national competition and were named America’s Next Top Young Entrepreneurs.

Can You Get To 10 Out of 10?

Posted on by in Energy Healing, Goal Achievement, Job Search, Learning, Managing life, Mindfulness, motivation, Personal transformation, Self, Self-help | Leave a comment

 

I love rating scales because it can instantly bring awareness of gaps as well as increases in confidence, performance, and satisfaction. My clients sign off that their branded content, whether a résumé, LinkedIn profile, biography or cover letter is a 10 out of 10 before it becomes final.

When I first start speaking with a prospective client a key question I ask is how they rate their momentum toward their next goal on a scale of 1-10. If they’re already at a 7+, it’s clear they have a lot working in their favor already and they’re looking to make sure that they can sustain such momentum or give it a small boost. If they’re anywhere lower, which most are, it’s critical that I diagnose why their momentum is so low and devise a plan that will get them to a 9 or 10 within a three month period.

Last week I asked my students to rate their confidence in interviewing before and after they did group peer mock interviews. This was an experimental format and I wanted to know if it was effective. Their ratings proved that it was effective at bumping them up a notch or two, so that everyone was at least a 7+.  Then I asked, “What will it take for you to feel like a 10.”

A few interesting things were revealed.

Most of them wanted to be interviewed by ME, believing that it would more closely mimic an employer interview because my experience would lead me to ask harder questions and they would be more nervous about my opinion since I give them a grade.

So, they felt confident and more comfortable but wanted to be put into more stressful conditions to really test their performance. I thought this was a very self-aware and astute observation, indicating to me that they truly had gained more confidence, but wanted to challenge themselves.

Another revelation for one student was that she didn’t feel she would ever be a 10. Wow! This was a truly courageous revelation to acknowledge and share. It was an opportunity to further increase their self-awareness of how their belief systems influence their behavior.

It may be a Job Search and Preparation course, but if I only focused on the pragmatic steps of job search, the students would not apply the steps with integrity, achieve the outcomes I intend for them or acquire the life skill of being accountable for their own success. With Cabrini’s blessing, I also incorporate into the course science-based mindfulness, emotional intelligence, mindset management, interpersonal communication and influence, and project management.

If this or any of these students maintain the belief that they will not achieve the ultimate whatever (job, lifestyle, confidence, self-image, etc.), their brain’s motivational systems will fail to fire and they will become victims of confirmation bias, never realizing that the “evidence” they see, and that their ultimate X is impossible because of a filter that they programmed.

While they are learning how to use storytelling to influence others into action (in their major and in their job search,) they are now getting more clear about the stories that formed their beliefs and how those beliefs and stories are shaping their behavior and their results in life.

This student’s homework, which was suggested for any and all students, was to journal with the intention of identifying the source of the story that she would never reach 10, and in doing so recognizing it as a story, not a truth. Then I also shared with them a video about how to reinforce a different story – a story in which they are their best selves enjoying all of the success, joy, and outcomes that coincide with the belief of being worthy and capable of reaching 10.

Where do you rate yourself in various realms of your life?

Do you hold the belief that 10 is unreachable?

If 10 is possible (which it is), what gaps need to be filled in to experience that?

 

Unknown Brain – Perfect 10 (Lyrics) feat. Heather Sommer

🎧 Your Home For The Best Electronic Music With Lyrics! Unknown Brain – Perfect 10 (feat. Heather Sommer) Lyrics / Lyric Video brought to you by WaveMusic ⏬ Download Unknown Brain – Perfect 10 (feat. Heather Sommer) here: http://ncs.io/P10ID ⚡️Honey I’m a perfect 10 🔔 Click the bell to stay updated on the best Lyrics / Lyric Videos from WaveMusic!

Karen Huller, author of Laser-sharp Career Focus: Pinpoint your Purpose and Passion in 30 Days (bit.ly/GetFocusIn30), is founder of Epic Careering, a corporate consulting and career management firm specializing in executive branding and conscious culture, as well as JoMo Rising, LLC, a workflow gamification company that turns work into productive play. 

While the bulk of her 20 years of professional experience has been within the recruiting and employment industry, her publications, presentations, and coaching also draw from experience in personal development, performance, broadcasting, marketing, and sales. 

Karen was one of the first LinkedIn trainers and is known widely for her ability to identify and develop new trends in hiring and careering. She is a Certified Professional Résumé Writer, Certified Career Transition Consultant, and Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist with a Bachelor of Art in Communication Studies and Theater from Ursinus College and a minor in Creative Writing. Her blog was recognized as a top 100 career blog worldwide by Feedspot. 

She is an Adjunct Professor in Cabrini University’s Communications Department and previously was an Adjunct Professor of Career Management and Professional Development at Drexel University’s LeBow College of Business  She is also an Instructor for the Young Entrepreneurs Academy where her students won the 2018 national competition and were named America’s Next Top Young Entrepreneurs.

How to Manage a Job Search on Top of it All

Posted on by in Being, Careers, Human nature, Mindfulness, Self-help | Leave a comment

 

Before I start, let me be completely transparent- I do NOT have it all together. I feel overwhelmed and behind sometimes (many times.) And, I know I’m not alone – by far!

Also, let me give you kudos for taking on change. While I am sure there will be a great payoff for your efforts, in the meantime it can be quite scary. Our brain doesn’t like change. It tries to protect us with stress responses. This physiologically can limit our brain’s ability to handle stress we’d otherwise feel completely capable of handling, but you are growing and developing. It will feel like quite the bumpy ride until you adjust and form new habits to support new activity.

Just stay mindful – allow the stress. Welcome it, even. Dare I say be grateful for it. Forgive yourself for things that slip through the cracks. You’re learning to handle more, new things. You will find a rhythm as long as you can override your brain’s resistance and follow the tips I share here.

We all know by now that self-care is critical. That being said, we need support in doing so. I can’t just run off to the spa. Someone has to get done what I’d normally be getting done, like picking up the kids, or whatever (I’m getting overwhelmed just thinking about it.)

SET BOUNDARIES

Also, I’m self-employed, so technically I make my own schedule. However, that gives other people the illusion that I have more time, when really what it means that ANY time I am not working, I am missing earning opportunities, and money goes out the door. I am the only person who can create and enforce boundaries around my time, so I have to do just that. Sometimes I have to say no to things that I really want to do. It took some practice saying no to things I felt I “had to do.” If you’re an obliger, a la Gretchen Rubin’s 4 Tendencies, this is definitely against your nature, but necessary to avoid burnout.

ASK FOR/ACCEPT SUPPORT

Sometimes I feel as though people think I should be giving more support to them, so I don’t ask for it as often as I really need it, and by the time I do, I am in bad shape. It’s a cycle I recognize and am trying to break. I have to love myself through that. I’m also trying to stop martyring myself for the things I take on while silently overwhelmed. It’s my own standard for myself that causes such inner conflict.

If any of this martyring or self-neglect sounds familiar to you, quit it. Maybe like me, you learned somewhere that it was wrong to ask for help. I heard someone call this “rugged individualism” in a MindValley masterclass last week. She was referring to a value growing in popularity in America that is causing increasing loneliness at epidemic levels. Vishen Lakhiani, MindValley’s founder, reported, and research supports, that loneliness has been found to be more lethal than 15 cigarettes a day. According to studies it contributes to suicide, which seems pretty common sense. But did you know that it’s also linked to Alzheimer’s disease, immune and cardio-vascular deficiencies, and neuroendocrine changes?

Perhaps we need to be better at reaching out for help, and perhaps if we receive more help we’ll feel more capable and willing to give help to others. What I have experienced is that too many of us feel incapable of handling helping others because we don’t feel supported. So, people you ask may not give you support for this reason. And you may feel hesitant to ask someone you feel is overwhelmed themselves. Getting a no might feel worse than trying to cope on your own. If your mental state is already fragile, it can be hard to not make that “no” mean something about you – you’re unworthy, unlikeable, doomed, etc.

Somehow, this cycle has to break. Go about asking for support with the expectation that you might get 1 yes for every 10 nos, and it has nothing to do with you. Everyone is fighting a battle you can’t see. Vow to be supportive of others once you get yourself stabilized and follow through.

MAKE TIME FOR REFLECTION/MINDFULNESS

I have become aware of my tendencies through reflection, journaling, meditation, and personal development immersion. However, the awareness at first is painful. Again, I have to allow that pain and be grateful for it because it means I am growing. I don’t always have time for this reflection. That, I feel, is the biggest danger in society today. So many of us are too busy to consider how we can respond better to stress, conflict, etc., so we defend our actions and opinions fiercely. This stifles our emotional intelligence and leads to continued conflict.

I know – on top of making time for job search activities I’m also suggesting that you make time for reflection and emotional health. That might seem like a bit much, but if you are going to expand your capacity to do anything, you have to mind your mind. Going through the motions of your job search activities and a campaign is a surefire way to get mediocre results and prolong landing. So much of your success depends on the impression that you give other people. You have to be “on” most of the time.

Facing some disappointments isn’t necessarily inevitable, but it is to be expected. Mindfulness promotes resilience so that you can bounce back sooner, and reflecting will help you recognize how you can perform better next time.

LEVELING UP

Besides just making sure that you are mentally, physically, and emotionally rested to handle the added stress, you can also level up your capacity by mastering flow. Flow is a word that describes a heightened state of mind that occurs when you are fully immersed in an activity and your skills express themselves subconsciously, without conscious effort. What neuroscience has taught us is that we can recreate this state of mind, which we normally experience with activities that we enjoy deeply, to tackle more challenges with ease. Perhaps it doesn’t seem like the time to take on learning a whole different skill set. That might be true. It could also be true, however, that if you invest time in the front end learning and applying a fraction of the practical science of flow that your job search will be accelerated and help you land an even more ideal scenario. Is it smarter to use your time to start whacking away at the tree you want felled, or is it smarter to sharpen the ax first? Is it smarter to plan ahead to where you want the tree to go and make precise cuts to direct the tree where it’s safe to land? Which brings me to my next tip:

KNOW YOUR TARGET

Even if you’re desperate to land quickly and even if you think that any situation is better than the one you’re in, I’ve witnessed too many hasty, but “successful” searches result in a cascade of even worse scenarios. Don’t assume that you can’t afford to be picky; you can’t afford to NOT be picky! Don’t assume that you’ll land faster if you set your goals lower. As good as you think you can fake being motivated, most employers see past this, and they’ll look right past you to candidates who aren’t at risk of disengagement. You’re more likely to land a job that excites you, and good employers want to give employees opportunities to grow and expand.

Your brain knows better, and you need to leverage every brain hack known today to keep up your motivation to face challenges. That requires having a goal that excites you. Even if you achieve 80% of your ideal scenario, you’ll enjoy a much better outcome than targeting only what you think is achievable. Challenge yourself on this. Assuming what’s easy is best is just your brain protecting you from scary change. You can handle it!

HABITS and BELIEFS – OUT WITH THE OLD; IN WITH THE NEW

Mindfulness usually leads us to make new discoveries about why we have fallen short of our goals in the past, and in most cases, it’s 1 of 2 things: Habits or beliefs. Both of these either takes discipline to change, or hypnosis to change – your choice. Hypnosis is safe (though vastly misunderstood) and quick. Discipline takes longer, but proving you have discipline can help you unlock greater confidence. Just don’t conclude that you can’t achieve something because you fell short in discipline. Hypnosis is still an option. So many people turn to hypnosis as a last resort only to wish they’d done it sooner.

There are a ton of devices and apps available to keep you reminded and on track if you choose discipline.

Of course, you may also want to engage a partner who will help you make sure the time you have to invest in your job search is invested in the wisest most results-producing resources and activities, who will offer emotional support and help you find other kinds of support, and who is experienced, trained and certified in modalities that support habit development. (Wink, wink 😉

 

The Police – So Lonely Video

Listen to more from The Police: https://ThePolice.lnk.to/Essentials Explore the incredible history of The Police and this classic song here: http://www.udiscovermusic.com/artists/the-police Listen to The Police playlists here: http://playlists.udiscovermusic.com/playlist/the-police-best-of Experience The Police on Half Speed Mastered Vinyl LP: https://lnk.to/CfAvq Music video by The Police performing So Lonely. (C) 1980 A&M Records Ltd.

Karen Huller, author of Laser-sharp Career Focus: Pinpoint your Purpose and Passion in 30 Days (bit.ly/GetFocusIn30), is founder of Epic Careering, a corporate consulting and career management firm specializing in executive branding and conscious culture, as well as JoMo Rising, LLC, a workflow gamification company that turns work into productive play. 

While the bulk of her 20 years of professional experience has been within the recruiting and employment industry, her publications, presentations, and coaching also draw from experience in personal development, performance, broadcasting, marketing, and sales. 

Karen was one of the first LinkedIn trainers and is known widely for her ability to identify and develop new trends in hiring and careering. She is a Certified Professional Résumé Writer, Certified Career Transition Consultant, and Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist with a Bachelor of Art in Communication Studies and Theater from Ursinus College and a minor in Creative Writing. Her blog was recognized as a top 100 career blog worldwide by Feedspot. 

She is an Adjunct Professor in Cabrini University’s Communications Department and previously was an Adjunct Professor of Career Management and Professional Development at Drexel University’s LeBow College of Business  She is also an Instructor for the Young Entrepreneurs Academy where her students won the 2018 national competition and were named America’s Next Top Young Entrepreneurs.

Has Overwhelm Sabotaged Your Momentum?

Posted on by in Change the world, Changing life experience, motivation, Self-help | Leave a comment

Wipeout by Kellinahandbasket on Flickr

Yes, I want it all. Don’t we all?

Don’t you want to be able to afford the finer things in life – to visit exotic places, and live in a beautiful home, and to give your kids the best education and experiences? You, like me, also want time to enjoy them.

You want to know that the time and talents you devote to work are well-spent, made a difference, and that they’re appreciated.

You want to know that your life made a positive difference.

You want to feel vibrant, strong, and healthy – invincible.

If your reality is far from that, the disparity can seem insurmountable to overcome at times. It can make you feel worse, which is de-motivating and leads to inaction.

Efforts to get closer to the life you want can stretch you further than feels comfortable or even possible at times.

Here was my critical revelation:

“Overwhelm is what happens when things start moving faster

than you have practiced being in alignment with.”

~ Abraham

The phrase, “Be careful what you wish for,” comes to mind. Overwhelm can cause you to kill your big dreams, temporarily or permanently.

May was my month to host book club and I chose The Originals by Adam Grant. Stamina to follow through with big initiatives is one of the key differences he identifies between those who go on to bring into the world disruptive ideas and those who have to default to lending their talents to someone else’s vision.

This was another big a-ha for me. When I first picked up the book I wanted so much to be able to see myself as an Original, and for the most part, I do. But the realization of this missing puzzle piece caused me to delve into deep self-evaluation.

Why was it that I could come up with some brilliant, game-changing ideas, but have not yet been successful in having them adopted on a large enough scale to shift the dominant paradigm in how corporate professionals career, hire, and lead?

Funny thing about questions – once you ask yourself a question, your brain starts to answer it.

I have pattern of asking for things to pick up, then they do, and I want them to slow down.

Can you relate to this?

Most of the time, I consider myself blessed to be such a great vessel for ideas and to be doing work that I find rewarding and meaningful for which I have a great passion. However, my passion is inconsistent and shifts focus. Too many of my great ideas die on the vine. I’d like to think they’re just dormant for now, but when and how do I revive them? How do I make sure that the ideas that come through me that have the potential to really make life better, easier, more fun, etc. get created and get adopted?

Some of my setbacks I wouldn’t change; while my big initiatives are important, my kids are my #1 priority. I have allowed myself a certain amount of grace because I made a conscious choice to be at home with them while they were little, but they’re getting bigger and I have to notice what ELSE I let slow me down. Next year my kids will both be in school full-time, and I can start to assume a more conventional workweek. It’s time to make sure that I take full advantage of the time I have, to figure out how to ride a wave of momentum instead of letting it take me under and wipe out.

I realized that the pattern isn’t just exclusive to my work life, but my fitness, creativity, and social life as well. I go in bursts, and then I shift focus.

But why? I can easily rationalize that it’s because I like variety – I like to be dynamic. I can choose to just be empowered and accept that this is the way I am and the way I like it. However, in order to accept that I’d have to ignore the fact that my professional mission isn’t being fulfilled. I started multiple related initiatives over the years, but didn’t finish the majority of them, such as my app. Whenever I was advised that something had to become my obsession or a full-time job, I took my foot off the gas and put that initiative on a back-burner.

Again, I can justify it, and that’s worked up to now, but I once the kids are in school full-time, a big concession goes away, and I don’t want to let another concession take its place.

  • I have to start seeing myself as someone who makes big things happen in the world, and as someone who can handle all that brings with it.
  • I have to start being bigger than my problems.
  • I have to embody the vision by loving myself into a greater version of myself.
  • I have to trust that it will happen no matter what by embracing the good and the bad that happen along the way as part of my journey, instead of seeing the bad things as obstacles intended by the Universe to thwart me.
  • I have to achieve greater balance in all of the areas of my life that are important to me, so that a sense of deprivation doesn’t lead me to justify stepping back or stepping down from my mission.

The intention is to get aligned with the version of myself that is all of thee above, and to expand my self-image to be the version of myself who welcomes and manages success well.

So, I have a plan and tools to share, and if you have found yourself slowing things down just when they’re getting good, join me.

The tools I will use are time management through block scheduling, and reframing fear and challenges through meditation, visualization, and self-hypnosis.

I will use these tools to generate greater self-awareness so that I continue to refine my plans and actions and continue to make significant consistent progress.

I will label time blocks on a physical calendar in ways that help me keep the bigger picture in mind. For instance, a time block allocated to organizing my desk will be “Getting it Together,” time blocks allocated to paying bills will be “Spreading the Wealth,” and time blocks allocated to fitness will be “Loving the Skin I’m In.” Following this schedule will create balance and freedom, since it will include time for all that’s important for me.

Any time overwhelm occurs, I will tune into my thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. I will listen to the conversation I am having with myself that is causing me to feel as though all that is happening is too big or too much for me. I will use self-hypnosis to flip those beliefs around one at a time (which is how hypnosis is done.)

When an opportunity comes along, I will use meditation to make a decision based on my inner-knowing, also known as intuition, to avoid making any decision based on fear – fear of missing out, fear of disappointing, fear of lack of other opportunities. I will only move forward with opportunities with which I feel aligned and that will benefit the greatest number of people and myself, regardless of the potential visibility and/or money. Saying yes to everything has been a recipe for burn out in the past.

When a challenge comes along, I will meditate and ask myself why this is happening FOR me, instead of TO me, and I will tap into intuition that will guide inspired action so that I am pulled to make bold movements forward versus pushing myself and acting with resistance, which has only led in the past to feeling overworked and under-rewarded.

I will be ritualistic about using visualization to maintain a sense of joy in my work, which will help me generate the magnetism that inspires others to get on board with my vision.

I expect that by following this plan, overwhelm will subside and I’ll generate a new sense of power. It may still happen, but I vow to not let it stop me any more. Even by acknowledging it, I am already starting to take away its power.

Stay tuned, and share with me your experience with overwhelm. Tell me I’m not alone. Together, we’ll become expert momentum surfers and bring much-needed solutions into the world.

“The ones crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.”

~ Steve Jobs

Foo Fighters – Big Me

Foo Fighters’ official music video for ‘Big Me’. Click to listen to Foo Fighters on Spotify: http://smarturl.it/FooFSpotify?IQid=FooFBM As featured on Greatest Hits.

Why Hypnosis? Answer: Disruption – For Real

Posted on by in Changing life experience, Self-help | Leave a comment

Meditation by Johan Bergs on Flickr

Eight years ago I watched a video during my pregnancy called The Business Of Being Born. Learning about the cascade of interventions and how they can lead to further complications was frightening. I vowed to give birth under as many natural conditions as possible, avoiding all potential UNNECESSARY medical interventions, including, but not limited to an induction, epidural, vacuum, episiotomy, and C-section. I was already seeing midwives at a birth center. A client who was a midwife convinced me of its safety and the dedication of the staff at this particular birth center, which was right across the street from a hospital. I decided I needed some help keeping my body AND mind working in my favor, to control my environment internally and externally as much as possible, so I invested in a $500 5-month course called Hypnobabies.

It worked, not just once, but twice. I might not have been too good at staying calm and relaxed the first time, stretching labor with Daisy to 5.5 days with back labor. Even so, I delivered naturally, without drugs (not without pain; I was just able to manage it,) and without any other interventions. I’m certain that had my plan been to deliver at a hospital, they would have induced me when I showed up the day after my due date and labor slowed down rather than send me home, even though it was perfectly safe to labor at home as long as it took, since my water had not broken. The midwives, however, sent me home, advised me to get sleep if I could, and I came back two days later with much better progress. Daisy was born 5 hours later perfectly healthy.

During the second time, I was more effective at USING the contractions (reframed as “pressure waves” during the program but I reframed them again to “progress waves” for the 2nd birth) to accelerate labor to active labor; I delivered Adelaide within hours at the birth center, without drugs and interventions.
The course was actually training me in self-hypnosis so that I could induce hypnosis with the drop of a finger. This turned off my conscious mind where all my fears are to allow my subconscious to be a better partner to my body and allow things to happen naturally.

So, I already had a great confidence in hypnosis and had invested in courses and CDs for other things after that, such as increased focus and intuition. I have been studying related topics, such as neuroscience, guided imagery, creative visualization, meditation, etc., focusing on scientific evidence of efficacy in much more depth since then.

It’s not what you see on TV or at shows. It’s not mind control; it’s natural.

Ultimately, here is why I finally became a Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist:

As my clients have grown more willing to allow me to talk about other areas of their lives, I have grown ever more acutely aware of how intertwined our career is to other realms of our lives and vice versa. If a client was not able to land a job using the best practices, it was often because of an issue in another area of life.

During this epiphany, I realized that I need to be MORE than just a career coach if I want people to get where they want to go. I saw this in my own life too: A breakthrough in one area will start a cascade of positive impacts. Conversely, a limit or problem in one area can bleed into other areas of my life, holding me (and you) back from having what we really want in life, and wasting days of our lives that we could be happy, but instead we feel miserable and powerless.

The good news: Our mind is immensely powerful, and there is a lot that can be done to leverage the mind to create the change that leads to happiness. However, out of all the modalities I studied and tried over the years, hypnosis is the fastest way to access and leverage the mind’s power.

Why? Because hypnosis works with the subconscious mind, where we learn, store memories, operate automated body functions, and program habits.

Too many coaches focus on motivation and willpower. Some people are naturally inclined to be willful, but too many more have to fight the brain’s natural inclination to resist change. Without hypnosis, achieving change for the majority is a struggle. It’s an unnecessary struggle. Hypnosis makes change easier, meaning you have to rely less on willpower to overcome the mind’s resistance. Instead, the mind is working in your favor!

My sense of urgency to help MORE people create meaningful change NOW has continued to grow, as has my desire to impact more realms of life than just career. AND, if I can help you become your best self (which I can,) you can then also bring the best out in others, and then there are optimally creative and powerful minds working on the big issues together.

Also, the more I learned about the applications of hypnotherapy, the more I thought about current epidemics that it can help tackle, besides career disengagement, like:

>> Mental health issues, since most of the mass shooters and suicide victims were found to be on psychotic drugs for conditions that can be relieved by hypnosis (in conjunction with proper Psychological treatment)

>> The opioid crisis, since hypnotherapy has proven successful in alleviating chronic pain

>> Obesity-related disease, since forming better eating and exercise habits is integral to proper weight management

>> Stress-related diseases, which may as well be all of them since stress decreases your body’s own ability to heal itself

I really could go on and on….

What Science Supports This?

Besides what I mentioned above, a lot!

In the 1800s, before chloroform and other anesthesia, the surgery mortality rate was 80%, and patients died most frequently from infection, shock and/or fear. Hypnosis was attributed to lowering the fatality rate for surgeries by 10%. (10 years later ether was found to be 90% effective and hypnosis was abandoned.)

The American Dental Association includes hypnosis among methods dentists and dental students can use for pain control and sedation for patients undergoing dental procedures.

Freud, before he founded psychoanalysis and created a branch between psychology and hypnosis, studied at an elite school for hypnosis.

Hypnosis was accepted by the British Medical Association in 1892. In 1958, hypnosis was accepted by the American Medical Association as an ORTHODOX medical treatment. In fact, medical doctors and psychologists committed to helping patients find relief from a variety of conditions and chronic pain refer patients to hypnotherapists. It works in complement to boost the efficacy of standard medical or holistic treatments.

American Psychology Association has endorsed hypnotherapy as an effective method for pain relief, treating anxiety, forming good habits, and breaking bad ones, such as smoking. The British Psychology Society published a paper as recent as 2001 citing “convincing evidence” that hypnosis is effective for the same.

Other scientifically proven applications for hypnotherapy:

  • Improves memory – This is why meditation and hypnotherapy is now sometimes taught to post-graduate students
  • Dizziness in advanced cancer patients – Of the many symptoms that decrease quality of life, dizziness is one of the biggest, and it can put the patient at risk of injury, leading to further decreases in quality of life
  • Palliative care (end-of-life care) – Reducing anxiety can prolong life while also making the last days more comfortable and enjoyable

Why now?

Have you ever lost a loved one to an untimely death? I have. Two years apart my sister-in-law died at 51 and then my nephew died on his 28th birthday. We don’t know how much time we have. I see the pace of change accelerating, and I want to do everything I can while I’m on this earth to keep the trajectory going in a positive direction. That’s my calling; it’s my mission. It compels me.

Have I Changed Careers or Turned Against Coaching?

Absolutely not! I still believe fully in coaching and the advantage of having an objective guide to help identify blind spots so that you know for what to receive hypnotherapy. Plus, hypnosis is just one of many tools now in my tool belt, and it is not a cure-all (or a cure.) It still has to be applied responsibly and appropriately! There are things from my coaching experience that have taught me that what appears on the surface can be very different than what lies beneath. Some hypnotherapists without this experience may take things at face value, and treat only what appears on the surface, when what lies beneath is at cause and, potentially, in need of greater medical, psychological or specialist expertise. I will continue to qualify my clients as good or bad candidates for my solutions, because it is of utmost importance to me that they get what they came to me for: meaningful change.

Ready for change NOW? Schedule a session!

Corporate leaders: How many employees do you think are putting off doctor’s appointments, leading them to miss more work days in the long run, or failing to adopt healthful or successful habits? Invite me in for a workshop for dramatic improvements in collaboration, creativity, performance, and productivity.

Ella Fitzgerald / You Do Something To Me

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Is Personal Development Selfish?

Posted on by in Personal development, Self-help | Leave a comment

Part 2 in the MindValley Reunion=Mind Blown series, which continues next week

In the first couple hours of the MindValley reunion, thought provoking questions were invoking a deep sense of curiosity.

The host, Mia Koning, a beautiful Kiwi soul, shared a couple of observations:

#1 – On the East Coast of the US, where we both currently reside, though in different cities, personal transformation, also known as self-help, has not yet been adopted on a wide scale, or at least as widely as it has been adopted on the West Coast (more on that next week), and…

#2 – That there is a perception that personal development is a selfish indulgence.

What?! At first I thought, who would think this, then I looked deeper at the time that I spend on personal development, which also in my field happens to be professional development, being that I am a coach. Because it is something I have benefited a lot from, and it enhances how I serve my clients, it is a common sense investment of time and money for me. However, it is also something I thoroughly enjoy, and there are times when making it a priority means making something else less of a priority.

One time instead of playing a game with my kids, I took them to a playground to play with other kids so that I could listen to a live-streamed event. I have rushed them off to bed so that I could attend a live webinar at 9 PM.

Is that selfish, and is there a line that, if crossed, personal development is something that is more costly than beneficial?

Then, also, having not been to, let alone immersed in, Europe, Asia, Africa, South America, or Australia, I cannot compare how many people are adopting personal development as a regular practice. I wondered if any data available could substantiate where in the world personal development was most promoted and acceptable, and if it would be better to live there, or to live in a place where there was less adoption and be a change agent.

In a later post I will cover more interesting revelations shared by Jeffrey Allen, such as how we’re being pulled as a race toward awakening and awareness and how the vibration of the earth and of humans is exponentially higher as measured scientifically, and is continuing to increase. Conflicts as we experience them now are due to this shift and the contrast between those who adopt versus those who resist.

An engineer once told me that innovators have a target on their backs. Someone is always waiting to let you make groundbreaking discoveries and then leverage it and surpass you for glory. Is glory the right goal, and should people be discouraged from innovating because someone else might get the credit? Should it matter to me if I am a pioneer or if I am simply a more visible, vocal spokesperson spreading the discoveries of those before me?

I realize my curiosities are starting to seem scattered from the main topics here, but this demonstrates how one event with several impactful speakers can get you from thinking singularly about your own world and your own problems to thinking globally. Furthermore, it was shared and has been proven to me, that people connect deeply with others when they co-experience an awe-inspiring stimulus together. I was not the only person opening myself up to greater possibility and potential.

So, was my trip to San Diego for the MindValley Reunion selfish? Were my investments in time and money in the courses I have taken over the years selfish endeavors, which include but are not limited to:

  • Online programs through MindValley and by John Assaraf, Rikka Zimmerman, Derek Rydall, Brent Phillips, Eben Pagan, and Christian Michelson.
  • Live transformational programs, such as doing a year of Landmark Education curriculum (The Forum, The Advanced Forum, The Self-Expression Leadership Program, Power to Create, and Access to Power,) an Abraham Hicks live event, Bill Walsh’s Rainmaker course, and T. Harv Eker’s Millionaire Mindset Intensive.
  • Reading books by Gretchen Rubin, Sonia Choquette, Don Miguel Ruiz, Hal Elrod, Jen Sincero, Jen Groover, Susan Gregg, Esther Hicks, Louise Hay, Rhonda Byrne (of course!), Lynne McTaggart, Bruce Lipton, Robert Kiyosaki, Napoleon Hill, Joe Vitale, Gary Vaynerchuck, Wayne Dyer, Deepak Chopra, Dan Milman, James Redfield, Marcus Buckingham, and more.

I know the answer is fundamentally NO.

I started on this journey to find joy – to be more in joy than in suffering. I admittedly suffered a lot. I had a great sense of self-pity for my unhappy childhood, and I had a great sense of justification for my attitude. Personal development has helped me spend more time in joy and less time in suffering. On the surface, this may seem like a selfish endeavor, but I knew I wasn’t just doing it for me. I was doing it to make sure that my suffering didn’t have a cost for others in my life.

Plus, so many of my decisions in life were driven by a false sense of needing to belong and be accepted. When I decided that if I wanted to be a game-changer, I had to be authentic, the hard work of being authentic began, and continues. Through personal development I have expanded my sense of purpose beyond my immediate circle of influence and now see myself as someone contributing to grander initiatives, resolving problems that impact more than just myself – but I had to start with the problems that plagued me before I could expand further.

Even if someone just wanted to be his or her best self, is that selfish? Even if it ends there, is that selfish?

Don’t you think that when you become someone who is more in joy and less in suffering, you become someone creating ripples that spread joy?

 

Please comment and share your opinion: is personal development a selfish endeavor?

Michael Jackson – Man In The Mirror (Official Video)

In keeping with the lyrical message of “Man in the Mirror,” which was strongly identified with Michael Jackson and reflective of his own philosophies, the short film features powerful images of events and leaders whose work embodies the song’s message to”make that change.”